After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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