Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
