I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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