No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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