there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it glows. i had to have it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
