i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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