He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
smell my finger.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
