giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
