I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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