Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
