are you still at the devil's house?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize