Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
