3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
