you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
