I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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