Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
