so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
