I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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