some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
