Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
