i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
