Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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