saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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