The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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