i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
