walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
