No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
