I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
