Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
