So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
