I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize