oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
