Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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