They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
