i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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