Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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