i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
