oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
