Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
