I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
