what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
