if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
