Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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