So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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