If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
