He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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