bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
