Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
