She's JV to your varsity
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
