so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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