i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize