Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
