i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
