i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
