what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
