look no pants
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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