Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
