And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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