TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
