LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
