You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
