you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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