Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
