somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can't motorboat a personality
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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