I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She even gives head with a lisp.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
