it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
