Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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