Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
