My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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