Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
