I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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