I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize