i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
