Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
