I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
