hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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