She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Are we still banned from the library?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
