to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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