WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
