i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
