Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
