Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
