fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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