I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
