Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
