I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize