New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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