why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
