I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
