yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
