I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
