i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
