I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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