what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
