i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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