i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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