I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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