I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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