you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
