She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk is not a location!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
