dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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