dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
