Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
