That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
