You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
