i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
