No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
