sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
